carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My bed smells like the plague
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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