Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
