Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
