While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
