but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I believe in your delicious
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
