you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need a beard to bite.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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