I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
