the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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