If i come over, it means nothing
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
