Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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