areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
