Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
