once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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