There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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