Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
