thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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