After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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