Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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