It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
