I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
