Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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