I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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