I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
