note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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