Swine flu. Run for my life!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
