so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm passing your future prison.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
