Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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