Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
