I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
