I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
