I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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