my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
