So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
do nipples grow back?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
