the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
