I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
