So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
