Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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