You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
