oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
