Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
