I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
