sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
