So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
