Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
