Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
