Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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