yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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