it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
