he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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