Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
