Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
