He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i think i just lost a toe
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
