i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
